They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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