I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
