Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
