Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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