My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
this just has baby written all over it
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
