My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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