People with herpes should wear stickers.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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