youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
