you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
