ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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