Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
