I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
