My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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