I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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