fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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