Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
