Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
