Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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