not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
only if we run a train.
done.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
