Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
