Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
