So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
