I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize