That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
