What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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