Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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