I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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