I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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