a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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