i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
