Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
