a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
