Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
People in love make me want to vomit
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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