I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
well you can't waste a boner
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
