Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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