3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
