I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
