hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
