He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
