you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize