Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
