my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
