She just used a chaser for red wine.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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