i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
