Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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