in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
