I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
