About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
