I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
