Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
