so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
