No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
