He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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