Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
