Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
