I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
