You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
