Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
