first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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