K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize