Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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