I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
