she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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