dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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