Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
