and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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