I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
