He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
