false alarm. still invincible.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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